We all have that pal who may have a little bit encouraging to do one thing they’re a little bit apprehensive about. Or one thing that flat-out scares them. Like main a run-out pitch, or dropping right into a couloir they haven’t skied earlier than, or rowing a speedy with a popularity for flipping boats, or driving a technical path well-known for breaking bicycles and bones. And many occasions, we’re that pal who wants the encouraging.
Sometimes, the encouraging requires a device referred to as “sandbagging,” wherein one pal convinces an apprehensive pal to try this factor which scares them by making the factor appear simpler than it truly is. Sandbagging will not be fairly mendacity, however not fairly the reality, and ultimately, one pal is glad that he/she helped the apprehensive pal “push their limits,” and the previously apprehensive pal is…properly, the reactions range, actually.
Sandbagging happens when two mates have a distinct notion of the less-experienced pal’s capacity, and the more-experienced pal desires to the less-experienced pal to discover their private capabilities via a formative expertise. Sandbagging might be, at one finish of the spectrum, difficult, and on the different finish, terrifying and deeply emotionally damaging. Here’s the way it typically works:
Stage 1: Doubt
Friend #1 believes their capacity in a sport will not be adequate for a sure goal (instance: driving the Portal Trail, main the crux pitch of The Naked Edge, rowing Lava Falls). Friend #2 believes Friend #1’s capacity is adequate, and all that’s actually lacking is confidence.
Stage 2: The Sales Pitch
This is the place Friend #2 tries to provide the suitable confidence, with numerous ways to persuade Friend #1 that the unimaginable is feasible. Friend #2 minimizes the hazard or uncertainty, saying issues like “Just relax,” “There’s a short technical section, but other than that it’s easy,” “You don’t need a #4 Camalot for this pitch,” “If you can follow it, you can lead it,” and lots of different phrases, normally together with the Ultimate Sandbag Axiom, which is “You’ll Be Fine.” The key right here is to push the sale, fastidiously, however firmly.
Stage 3: Commitment
When Friend #2 says “You’ll Be Fine,” Friend #1 solely must consider it 51%. Friend #1 solely wants simply sufficient confidence to carry out The Thing Which They Need But May Not Think They Want: to rack up and tie into the rope, clip into his/her pedals and drop in, seize the oars and pull the boat into the present, or purchase the airplane tickets, or make no matter irreversible first step is important for a memorable and formative expertise. Friend #2 both wants a) solely a 70-80% perception that Friend #1 can do The Thing Which They Need But May Not Think They Want, or b) solely a 49% perception that they should stay mates with Friend #1.
Stage 4: The Outcome
After Friend #1 decides to step into the void, march within the route of their concern, or launch themselves into the usually terrifying river of non-public development, numerous outcomes are doable, each optimistic and damaging. Unscientific estimates put the success price of sandbagging within the 75% realm, however are solely anecdotal. In the case of sandbag failure, damaging outcomes resembling damaged bones, damaged bicycle elements, swearing off climbing for the remainder of one’s life, and embarrassing public breakups are doable. (It’s essential to notice right here that sandbagging in romantic relationships is extraordinarily dangerous and sometimes disastrous, and must be tried solely with excessive warning, if in any respect.) On the optimistic facet, private limits are sometimes shattered, climbing careers are begun, Facebook profile images are captured, and astronomical leaps in private development can happen.
Sometimes, though not all the time, a friendship will survive a sandbag. The odds of this range broadly based mostly on many elements, together with the age of the friendship, the audaciousness of the sandbag, the respective emotional stability of the 2 mates concerned, every particular person’s appreciation of the worth of intense experiences, and the quantity of bodily and emotional harm incurred by the result of the sandbag. It’s essential to weigh these elements to the perfect of your capacity earlier than you really sandbag an in depth pal.
A great normal rule is: If your pal doesn’t survive your sandbag, your friendship won’t survive it, both.