Welcome to Ask an Outsider. We are right here to reply your most urgent questions on having fun with time exterior, like easy methods to make outdoorsy buddies, tips about going No. 2 within the woods or easy methods to reconcile a distinct danger tolerance with a companion. Our recommendation givers are consultants from each inside and out of doors the co-op who draw from their very own expertise and information to assist inform yours.
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Send it to expertadvice@rei.com. Include your title and the 12 months you turned an REI Co-op Member. Letters could also be edited.
Dear Outsider,
My companion and I often go on day hikes collectively as a result of we share a love for the outside. But we now have very totally different priorities on the path, and it has led to uncomfortable moments.
I’m a “stop-and-take-a-picture-of-the-pretty-views-every-two-minutes” form of hiker. I like to soak within the magnificence at my very own tempo, and it’s what helps me unwind from stress. While it feels good to get sweat, I really like the scenic snack and nap breaks much more. I don’t care how sluggish I’m going so long as I make it again to the automotive safely earlier than nightfall.
My boyfriend doesn’t hike for a similar causes. His mission is to get exercise, typically competing with himself to realize a private document. He goes too quick for me. I’m going too sluggish for him. So, we conflict. He lets me comprehend it along with his physique language and feedback about my tempo. He rapidly turns into bored whereas ready for me to catch up. I rapidly change into embarrassed and exhausted attempting to reconnect with him.
What ought to we do once we’re mountaineering at totally different speeds? We take pleasure in experiencing the vacation spot collectively. We simply need to make the journey extra enjoyable.
Taylor, REI Co-op Member since 2014
Dear Taylor,
This is a query I’ve heard contributors of the 52 Hike Challenge ask many instances. When we’re in a relationship with somebody, it’s pure to need to spend time collectively—together with exterior. But conflicts might come up as a consequence of variations in every individual’s velocity and priorities. For me personally, addressing this boils right down to communication and compromise, all whereas making it enjoyable.
In my final relationship, my companion loved working the paths and I loved mountaineering them. We got here up with a win-win resolution: Ahead of time, we’d agree on a time to fulfill again on the automotive and the whole time for train that day. Typically, we’d stroll collectively for the primary 10 to fifteen minutes to attach. Then he would run for one hour; I’d hike for half-hour and switch round. Normally, he ran previous me as I used to be getting near the automotive. With this compromise, we each had our wants met.
Other instances, we hiked and ran collectively. He adjusted his velocity to extra carefully match mine, and I attempted to maintain up along with his tempo. On our longer day hikes, we agreed to hike collectively, though I knew he may out-hike me any day.
But it’s necessary to keep in mind that there are numerous methods to handle this case. To perceive how others would method it, I polled the 52 Hike group. Their solutions have been considerably combined: 18% prompt mountaineering individually out of your companion and assembly midway, 39% opted for mountaineering with individuals who share the identical targets, 25% advisable matching the velocity of your companion and 14% voted for another end result.
Personally, I actually just like the responses suggesting that you just and your companion work to compromise. For instance, Bianca C., 29, of Point Pleasant, New Jersey, proposes that you just alternate between your mountaineering types. “Some hikes are more about photography, while others are all about breaking records,” she says. This can also be a good time for each of you to work on persistence and understanding, which might deepen your relationship.
Paige W., 28, of Ooltewah, Tennessee, shares: “My husband and I love hiking together, but we have different paces. We compromise by knowing what the other likes. My husband is patient while I take photos and [identify] plants on my phone. I try to take fewer pictures and take them quickly so we can keep moving.” When you’re employed as a staff you’ll be able to construct belief, which is big on the paths and in life.
You may additionally compromise by deciding to hike by yourself and meet at a turnaround spot. Then you’ll be able to hike down at your companion’s tempo (assuming downhill is simpler for you than uphill). Tai Okay., 44, of Ontario, Canada, offerss but an alternative choice: “Hike the route alone and take all the photos. Then hike again at a faster pace …”
I additionally spoke to holistic marriage and household counselor Rebecca Thompson Hitt, who shares her perspective: She advises that you just discover a time to debate what every of your underlying wants are. These are your true wants. For instance, possibly your true want is to attach along with your companion on the path, whereas your companion merely needs exercise.
After your dialogue, work out a method that can meet each of those wants. Hitt additionally suggests that you just strive other ways of compromising. Then come again collectively after attempting them out to debate how these options felt. Adjust accordingly.
If you’re unable to return to an answer, you may make different preparations and discover different methods to attach that higher swimsuit every of you. For occasion, you can have a picnic at a neighborhood park, watch the sundown on the seaside or stargaze collectively, amongst different issues.
Another enormous part in all of that is belief, or feeling which you could exit to discover and hike and that your companion shall be there ready to attach with you if you get again. It’s additionally necessary to grasp that our life companion can’t fulfill all of our wants. Sometimes, we have to change our personal expectations and modify accordingly.
Above all, be curious as you discover what feels greatest to each of you as you navigate the journey collectively. The cool factor right here is that, identical to on the path, there are numerous paths you’ll be able to select, however all of them find yourself on the identical vacation spot. Maybe you don’t hike collectively, however this expertise taught you to speak, compromise and, ultimately, achieve a stronger relationship.
Isn’t that the top objective of our path to like anyway?