So, we moved to the USA. Land of the free, home of the brave, and a geographical behemoth so large it has its own gravitational pull. My initial plan? To see it all, of course, from a cozy RV while wearing a novelty stars-and-stripes sweater. Reality check: this country is HUGE. So we’re tackling it one bizarre roadside attraction at a time.
First up: Chattanooga, Tennessee. A city whose name is just as fun to say as it is to visit. It’s a quick drive from our place, making it the perfect target for a spontaneous “what should we do this weekend?” mission. Jess had been there as a kid, and her only memory was an underground waterfall. Not the zoo, not a museum… a secret, subterranean cascade. This, my friends, is a person with priorities I can respect.
Naturally, we outsourced our planning to the smartest people we know: our newsletter subscribers. We asked for tips and the good folks of Chattanooga responded like proud parents listing their honor-student children. Armed with their recommendations, we embarked on our journey.
So, without further ado, here’s our guide to one gloriously packed day in Chattanooga. This isn’t an exhaustive list (apparently there’s a museum dedicated to tow trucks, because why not?), but it’s a winner.
Let’s get this show on the road!
The “We Tried to Do It All in One Day” Itinerary
This schedule is ambitious. It’s the tourist equivalent of trying to eat an entire wedding cake by yourself. Feel free to adjust it based on your own stamina and desire to actually relax on your vacation.
9:00 AM: Breakfast – Choose Your Own Adventure
Your hotel probably offers a sad, complimentary muffin. You deserve better. We offer two paths to glory:
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The Frothy Monkey (Choo Choo District): For those who want to feel cool and urban while eating food that could technically be classified as a weapon due to its sheer density.
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The Daily Ration (Northshore): For those who want to feel cool and urban while eating food that could technically be classified as a weapon due to its sheer density. (See? They’re basically the same, but you’ll fight to the death defending your choice. Human nature is weird).
Both serve magnificent Southern breakfasts where the question isn’t “what are grits?” but “how many grits can I physically contain?” Caffeinate heavily. You’ll need it.
10:00 AM: Downtown Wanderlust
Time to walk off breakfast! Or, more accurately, time to waddle slowly through downtown. You can’t do it all, so you must make a choice that will inevitably lead to mild, marital bickering.
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Tennessee Aquarium: For seeing fish that are probably judging your life choices.
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Hunter Museum of American Art: For cultured folks who say things like, “I see what the artist was trying to do here.”
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Creative Discovery Museum: For anyone with kids, or for adults who still really, really want to play with a giant water table.
Pick one. Maybe two if you’re an overachiever. Then, it’s time to head for the hills. Literally.
12:00 PM: The Incline Railway – A Hill of a Time
We’re going up Lookout Mountain not by foot, like a sucker, but by a delightfully rickety-looking railway built in 1895. This thing is so steep you’ll be convinced you’re on a rollercoaster that missed a crucial safety inspection. The views are spectacular, and the ride is worth the price of admission just to hear the person next to you gasp dramatically.
1:00 PM: Clumpies Ice Cream – Pre-Gaming for a Cave
You just had a mildly terrifying vertical adventure. The only logical response is sugar. Our readers demanded we try Clumpies Ice Cream, and who are we to argue with the masses? There’s a location right at the base of the railway. This isn’t a suggestion; it’s an obligation. Get a scoop. Get two. You’re about to walk a mile underground. This is basic survival math.
1:30 PM: Ruby Falls – The Reason for Jess’s Existence
This is it. The memory. The underground waterfall. The experience is a well-oiled machine: you join a tour, descend 260 feet in an elevator (wave goodbye to the sun!), and are herded through a cave by a guide who has told the same puns 4,000 times.
The waterfall itself is legitimately cool. It’s lit with mood lighting and has a soundtrack, like a disco for geology nerds. A word of warning: your enjoyment is 90% dependent on your guide’s enthusiasm and your ability to elbow your way to the front of the group. If you’re claustrophobic or hate following a crowd, maybe just look at Jess’s souvenir and call it a day.
4:00 PM: Rock City – Where Barn Advertising Dreams Come True
You know those “See Rock City” barns you’ve seen your whole life? This is what they were yelling about! It’s a gorgeous, quirky garden path meandering through massive rock formations.
The big sell is the “See Seven States” viewpoint. Let’s be real: you’ll see “a lot of pretty sky” and maybe, if you squint, the state of Denial. It doesn’t matter. It’s beautiful. There are gnome villages, swing bridges, and a waterfall that doesn’t require an elevator to see. It’s wonderfully weird and we loved it.
6:00 PM: Dinner – You’ve Earned It
You’ve walked miles. You’ve been deep inside the earth. You need calories. Chattanooga has you covered:
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BBQ at Barque: For meat so tender you might weep.
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Fried Chicken at Champy’s: For a crispy, glorious heart attack on a plate.
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Something Fancy at St. John’s: For pretending you’re a civilized human and not someone who just ate ice cream before lunch.
Sundown: The Grand Finale
Drag your tired body to either the Walnut Street Bridge (for classic river views) or back up to Sunset Rock on Lookout Mountain (for a higher perspective). Collapse onto a bench and watch the sun set on a day well spent. You did it. You conquered Chattanooga. Now go drink some water and elevate your feet.
The Nitty-Gritty (Because Adulthood is Unavoidable)
Getting There & Around: You basically need a car. Sorry. While downtown is walkable, the mountain attractions are not. The public shuttle is great for downtown, but it won’t take you to the good stuff. Ride-shares get weird with state lines (Rock City is in Georgia). Just drive. Embrace the parking lots.
Where to Stay: Your call!
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Downtown/Choo Choo: Be in the heart of the action. Pay for parking. Feel fancy.
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Chain Hotel by the Highway: Save money. Get free breakfast and parking. Embrace the practical.
We’ve stayed at the Hotel Chalet at The Choo Choo (you can sleep in a converted train car!) and can confirm it’s a delight.
_Train cars are less soundproof than you’d think._
So there you have it. Chattanooga is a gem—a weird, wonderful, and deeply satisfying gem that involves cave waterfalls and pre-cave ice cream. What more could you want?