Alright, listen up, my well-meaning but sartorially-challenged amigos. John Garavelas here for HopTraveler.com, coming at you live from a café where I’m probably still sticking out a little, but at least I’m not wearing a fanny pack. Today’s lesson: How to Not Look Like a American Tourist in Europe. And by “tourist,” I mean the kind that screams “I JUST SAW THE EIFFEL TOWER AND MY CAPRIS ARE CHAFING” from a hundred yards away.
First off, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not a Vogue expert. My idea of high fashion is socks that almost match. This isn’t about morphing into a Milanese supermodel. There is no single “European look.” They wear clothes over there, just like us! Shocking, I know. From goths in Berlin to beach bums in Barcelona, the spectrum is wide.
The real goal here is simple: blend in enough that the guy trying to sell you a selfie stick in Rome assumes you’re just a peculiarly quiet local and moves on to easier prey. We’re aiming for “generic European,” which is basically the human equivalent of beige wallpaper. Glamorous? No. Effective? Absolutely.
What to Leave in Your Hotel Room (Or, Better Yet, America)
Let’s start with the big no-nos. The cardinal sins. The outfits that make European pigeons target you specifically.
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The Full Gym Rat: If you’re head-to-toe in athletic gear—think mesh shorts, sweat-wicking tee, and full-on running shoes—you might as well just have a star-spangled banner trailing behind you. Europeans wear athletic stuff, but they’re usually, you know, going to the gym. Not touring the Louvre.
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The Clown Shoes: Yes, you can wear sneakers. PLEASE wear sneakers. Your feet will thank me after 12 miles of cobblestone. But leave the neon-pink, extra-air-cushioned, moon-landing-style trainers at home. Opt for something a little more subdued. A classic Adidas, a sleek New Balance, something that says “I have taste” and not “I’m prepared for a spontaneous marathon.”
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The Public Flip-Flop: Just… no. Unless you are physically on sand, with water lapping at your toes, your flip-flops are judging you for your life choices. They are for the beach and the hostel shower. That’s it.
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The Cargo Shorts Caper: Europeans do wear shorts, especially when it’s hotter than Hades. But the khaki cargo short, with enough pockets to hide a small family, is the official uniform of the American Dad Abroad. You will be spotted. You will be judged.
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The Comfortable Mistake: Sweatpants. In public. For fun. Don’t do it. You’ll see a local wearing them exactly never, unless they’re taking the trash out at 7am.
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The Fanboy Flag: That Yankees cap? That “BOSTON STRONG” t-shirt? That jacket from your local brewery? It’s a beacon. It screams “HELLO! I AM NOT FROM HERE! MY WALLET IS IN MY BACKPOCKET!” Save it for the couch back home.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DON’T OVERDO IT. Some people hear “Europeans dress well” and show up looking like they’re about to accept an Oscar. You’ll just look like a clueless, wealthy tourist, which is basically a flashing “ROB ME” sign for pickpockets.
So, What Should You Wear? (It’s Not Rocket Science)
Relax. Nobody over there is losing sleep over your outfit. The key is to be comfortable without looking like you gave up on life.
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Kicks are Key: Get yourself one good pair of cool, comfortable sneakers. This is 80% of the battle. See my list of the best travel shoes for men if you need ideas. (Spoiler: It’s mostly just pictures of me buying shoes).
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Embrace the Fit: This isn’t about being skinny, it’s about clothes that actually fit. A simple t-shirt and jeans can look sharp if they’re not baggy enough to house a family of raccoons.
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Think Neutral, Think Dark: You can’t go wrong with black, grey, navy, olive. They hide wine stains, they don’t show wrinkles, and they all match each other. It’s the lazy person’s guide to looking put-together.
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The Magical Button-Up: A casual button-up shirt is the Swiss Army knife of travel fashion. Dress it down with jeans, dress it up for a nice dinner. It’s just a t-shirt that’s trying a little harder.
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Layer Like an Onion: A denim jacket or a simple chore coat over a tee instantly elevates you from “tourist” to “guy who might know a good spot for dinner.”
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A Watch: Get a simple one. It tells time and makes you look like a grown-up who doesn’t need to pull out his phone every two minutes.
Day vs. Night: A Breakdown
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Daytime: COMFORT. IS. KING. You’re walking 10 miles. Wear your good sneakers, comfortable pants, and a breathable shirt. You’re surrounded by other tourists. Nobody cares.
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Nighttime: Just swap the t-shirt for that button-up I told you to pack. Dark jeans, your clean sneakers or minimalist leather shoes, and you’re golden for 99% of places.
Need Inspiration?
Check out sites like Zara, H&M, or COS. They’re everywhere in Europe and they’re full of that simple, clean, beige-wallpaper aesthetic we’re going for.
And remember, the goal isn’t to be the best-dressed guy in the room. The goal is to be the guy who doesn’t get pickpocketed because he looked like he knew where he was going.
Now get out there and blend in, you beautiful, clueless wallflowers.
Yours in style (or something like it),
John Garavelas
HopTraveler.com
